I've been on the Erma Bombeck diet for just over a decade now. It's a basic calorie counting diet, with a twist of Erma's wit on top. I've long since lost the original column; this is from memory:
- Figure out what your basic caloric intake should be. You want to eat that many calories (or fewer) per day. And don't forget to exercise.
- Anything you eat while cooking doesn't count. That's just tasting.
- Anything you eat off of someone else's plate doesn't count. That's just redistribution of food.
- Anything you eat standing up doesn't count. Civilized people eat sitting down at the table. If you're not sitting down at a table, then you're obviously not eating, so those calories don't count.
- Anything you eat between meals doesn't count.
- Anything you eat at a party doesn't count. Why? Because it's a party!
- Anything you eat at a restaurant doesn't count. It's a special occasion, and close enough to a party to fall under the rule about parties.
- Anything you drink doesn't count. That's drinking, not eating.
