Okay, guys. Letting things go and trying to smooth things over doesn't work. It's destructive. Counter-productive. No, don't snap the first time the women does something you don't like or stats nagging or bitching. And this isn't women vs. men. Here's the crux of the problem: when one gender starts pretending like bullshit isn't bullshit, they've sent an open invitation for more bullshit. They'll find that they're *always* wrong because the other gender is making the rules. It seriously sucked to be a women in the 1950's. Men made the rules, and the rules were arbitrary, set after the fact or made up on the spot (like Calvin Ball), and interpreted according to whim and agenda. If the 1950s male felt the female was being ditzy, absent, irresponsible, imprudent, or otherwise "unladylike", he'd become angry, solemn, reproachful, or some combination. There was no arguing it. The female simply had to wait for the wrath to pass and some figurative second chance to be extended.
Then we had women's lib, equality in the workplace, the divorce revolution, female sexual revolution, and so on. This is not all bad, no question. But some myths were created as waste during the process. Here's the king of them: that if a women feels injured, that the male did something wrong. No. Bullshit. People get hurt feelings for bad reasons perfectly often. Children have episodes where they act as if adults have some conspiracy against them and that's why they don't get the cookie they want or the toy they want. With a stern hand (not giving in at the threat of a tantrum), children eventually learn that them not getting the toy or food has to do with far more complicated affairs -- money, health, and just general education in emotional maturity, especially in not being manipulative and demanding. Of course, not all children have the benefit of this education. Some go through highschool or college without anyone every saying "no" to them. And for some bizarre reason, probably also a waste product of change in the past 50 years, the conceited, manipulative, self-important, obnoxious, demanding, pouting, crying, whining, spoiled female is currently in demand. What the hell? There are countless shades of grey aside from the extreme case and it would be impossible to enumerate all of them.
Now, men's desires are treated as illogical and childish -- the desire to own motorsports equipment, to hang out with their friends (play poker, or SJG Illuminati, or just drink beer). It's indulged with condescension. The state of the house is dictated by the female, with which furniture and decoration is desplayed vetted by them, and any evidence of a male presence virtually removed. The whole house is girlified. Video games are hidden. Behavior, action, and decision making is run by the female -- at least in the last several relationships I've seen -- with a few notable exceptions. All all, with the few exceptions, were extremely unhappy. The female was insecure because she had no way of knowing that the male's love was genuine or it was a duty/act, since it's largely forced and extracted. The male can't behave as he pleases in cases where it just doesn't fucking matter, but instead has to justify everything and get permission from a gender that can't understand male stuff (just as men can't be expected to understand make up, barbie dolls, and the elaborate social system of women). And everyone is unhappy.
I'm not encouraging a revolt, or a reversal. It comes down to this: say "no" sometimes, as it *makes sense*, not to push weight around. If the women loves you, she'll deal with it. If she starts pulling crap, call her on it. Don't pretend like bullshit isn't bullshit. If she just can't express her case, give her all of the chances to explain it and give her indulgence for strange behavior in the interium. But when she's bitching at you for something stupid, say no. Leave. Let her stew. Let *her* decide if *she's* willing to love you and *herself* look past behavior she can't understand. When she demonizes behavior she doesn't understand, explain as best as you reasonably can, but don't let her inability to understand dominate your behavior. It's possible to be loving, not do that bitch-ho crap, but not be a complete pussy either. Stand up for yourself. The women are doing it and the men haven't walked away. Each relationship is still going to have a leader, but it should be a kind, and not insecure, leader.
I write this because people I'm close to are suffering.
-scott
