Fucking Telcos, A Play In Four Acts
ACT ONE -- SATURDAY
ME: Yes, I'm moving and I'd like my phone and DSL service moved, plzkthx.
BS: Okay. That'll be done next Thursday and we can keep your old phone on until the day after that, as a convenience.
ME: Cool.
ACT TWO -- NEW HOUSE, THURSDAY
ME: Hey, look, the phones work as promised. What a pleasant surprise. I will move all the servers tomorrow in order to minimize service interruptions.
ACT THREE -- OLD HOUSE, TUESDAY
ME: Hello, yes, you seem to have turned on the phones without provisioning DSL, as I asked repeatedly and made you read back to me twice.
BS: Yes, I see that is the case. I have no idea how it happened. Rest assured everything will be better in two days.
ME: $&*!(@$)!#*#
ACT FOUR -- NEW HOUSE, THURSDAY
ME: Hello, yes, it's a fucking WEEK after you were susposed to provision the DSL on this line.
BS: Yes, I'm sorry, that seems to have "fallen out" of the system. We can have it up in 72 *business* hours. What was your login?
ME: Login? DSL connections don't have logins. I'm talking about the frigging hardware-layer link here, not your shitty "FastAccess" crap. TURN ON MY GODDAMNED DSL!
BS: Yes, that's right, all DSL connections have logons associated with them.
ME: NO, THEY DO NOT.
BS: Okay, I'll let you talk to a DSL speciallist.
*hold*
BS (with soft but unmistakable non-native accent): Hello, may I have your BellSouth FastAccess user id?
ME: *INCOHERENT RAGE*
Four Hour Entr'acte
*DSL magically turns itself on*
fin
