With apologies to Messrs Gilbert and Sullivan (and finger of blame pointed squarely at colleagues Gav and Luke) ...
I am the very model of a database relational,
My updates are atomic and ACIDic and transactional,
My planner aims to optimise your queries scatological,
My indexes will cope with SQL that is pathological
My data types encompass from mundane to geographical,
My data safety record shows concern that's quite fanatical,
My cost per TPC will beat both DB2 and Oracle,
And yet the plebs persist in writing apps for bloody MySQL!
