socialization

geoff on 2002-07-25T17:37:20

so, yesterday I ended up being in a few rather uncomfortable social situations, all of which were essentially my fault and made me feel rather sub-human. each of these collectively made me think about what makes it so difficult to socialize at these tech things sometimes, and I think that it may have to do with some of the group dynamics that are unique to online v in-real-life circumstances. So, here are a few rules I intend to follow better myself from now on...

- always introduce yourself to everyone you don't know when you enter a conversation. Otherwise you may make the people you don't know feel unimportant.

- if you bring someone into a conversation, introduce them around to everyone so they don't feel left out. this isn't just about spouses/SOs, but includes fellow geeks who may not know the same people you do.

- don't be so self absorbed you don't really listen to (or care about) what people are saying. I actually watched someone leave mid-sentence when another person was talking to them, and I misunderstood someone entirely yesterday because I was thinking about myself instead of them when they were talking.

- If you screw up, apologise. Yesterday I didn't even acknowledge someone I knew when we were in the same conversation. what an ass. so, I appologized the next time we spoke.

</soapbox>

---

Re: socialization

vsergu on 2002-07-25T17:59:49

I've been having the same problem. This is my first time at OSCon, and for some reason socialization seems harder than it was at YAPC (2000 and 2001 -- not that socialization is ever easy for me).

I find myself in the sort of awkward situations you're talking about, standing around at the edge of a conversation involving a bunch of people whose names I know, none of whom know me (because I'm not a Name). It's my own fault for not opening my mouth more, but that's always been hard for me.

I'm suffering high school flashbacks about not fitting in with the cool kids, even though it's doubtful many of the people here were among the cool kids in high school.

Anyway, I keep trying to do better, but it's important at a geek gathering not to attribute to arrogance or contempt any action (or lack of action) that can be adequately explained by shyness or social ineptitude.

Re: socialization

darobin on 2002-07-29T19:14:35

One thing that has to be taken into account as well is that most people are not accustomed to talking that much in a row. That certainly is my case, and I know that after three days of talking to people all day long I seriously started having blanks in the middle of a conversation where my mind just wandered off... I certainly hope I didn't offend anyone, but there's only so much conversation my brain can handle in a row, especially with the jet lag and the heavy drinking ;)

Nice standards

jdavidb on 2002-08-07T16:46:57

You just become #1 on my list of people I have to meet someday at a conference.