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Venus and Mars

davorg on 2002-03-27T10:39:17

It seems to me that all this Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus crap is used by people who want an excuse for being sexist in a "politically correct" manner.

I'm going to write a book called Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth - Deal With It.

Yes indeed.

pdcawley on 2002-03-27T11:04:13

My favourite comment on the whole Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is the almost kneejerk And Pop-psychologists are from Uranus

I thought that was...

pne on 2002-03-27T11:20:52

... Man are from Macs, Women are from VMS?

it simply reinforces stereotypes

hfb on 2002-03-27T15:48:20

that are already there. Sometimes it is interesting to watch a group of children playing and how the adults interact with them when they ask the girls to pick-up the toys and the boys get to make more mess. I think people do this totally subconsciously and pass it to generation after generation.

The book is merely the summation of a life long process of stereotype reinforcement. Don't get pissed at the book, we adults are pretty much a lost cause, get pissed at people who perpetuate it through their children.

Mixed Feelings

chromatic on 2002-03-27T15:48:29

That's a terrible name for your next book, at least from a descriptive standpoint.

It might sell, though...

Confession... I liked it.

dmarner on 2002-03-27T16:44:11

I am far from a fan of pop psychology books, but someone gave this book to us, so I read it on a slow book day. It had two pieces of advice that may not apply generally, but have certainly smoothed the communications in my (already pretty smooth) relationship:

  • Men tend to talk about problems in an attempt to find a solution; women often just want to talk about them. This leads to a disconnect in which the man keep proposing solutions, when the woman just wants a sympathetic ear.
  • "Cave time". When a man is coping with stress by retreating to his den, watching a Dr Who marathon, curling up with a book or whatever, leave him be. He doesn't want to talk about the problem at this point, and interrupting him will generally cause him to retreat further and longer.

The book certainly overgeneralizes, and I make no claims that it is applicable for anyone else, but those two insights improved my marriage by 7.3%.

Re:Confession... I liked it.

gnat on 2002-03-27T23:53:35

Yup, I haven't read the Mars/Venus book but I knew the first point already. It's really helped me understand why my wife would come to me with a problem and leave even more frustrated and upset. She wanted to vent whereas I thought she wanted a solution. Now I listen and nod and "oh, that must be awful" and only try once to help her with a solution (just in case the cosmos is in alignment and she actually wants help for once :-)

Deborah Tanner has a big line of pop psych books, but as far as I could tell she keeps saying the same thing again and again. I couldn't finish the first I tried, and none of the others I've seen in the bookstore have looked any better.

--Nat