It WORKED!
Er, it sorta worked. It didn't do what I wanted, but it did almost what I hoped, so that's about the best I can hope for. I'm still recovering from some of it (mostly fixing up MSN Exploder for the SOTF).
Regardless, my machine operates (I almost suspect it's doing a little better than before, something I may attempt to confirm if the urge overtakes me) and my net connection is working.
I got signed up for my one summer class, the Perl one. I have good feelings about this. :)