I'm selfish. So I have been said. Actually I think I am. But not in the form and for the reasons that have been addressed to support the claim. Nor did I really understood them. Moreover, it is well known that when the person who will tell you so is one in the regards of whom you prove a particularly intense feeling... you won't accept it with such a light heart. After all I'm a very common person. A common, selfish person... and perhaps I grew too involved. Too involved with respect to the limits I had thought to have chosen, limits within the reach of which I had illusorily assumed I could safely stay, out of rational control... as a form of self defense... because self defense does sense in my case... rational control: bullshit! Perhaps I simply fell in love. And if so, then I don't know if I'm more excited about it or scared, and that's the scary part. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pain and all...
blazar on 2007-07-10T15:36:49
It's a roller coaster ride.Yep, up and down... but hitting the ground too. With the risk of getting hurt: in fact the next entry, which also is really about this subject, is called "Scars". And it refers to a scar in my heart. Just one day and it's a scar... but... since when I discovered to have cancer I thought that "that" would have been a part of me definitely off. Died out completely. Like... well Judo. Except that Judo is not an intrinsic need of human beings... it just grew in me, along the way I followed, growing in it. OTOH I suspect that even the most abominable of men must have loved someone at some point. And... to put it shortly, it's nice to have that part of me resurrected. I feel so... alive, including pain and all!
