I've complained in here before about my current contract. It's been very frustrating: I was brought in to help architect things, but few if any of my recommendations were accepted. Now I'm doing nothing more than grinding out code on a platform I haven't used before, and which I don't enjoy using. The project manager and I have not gotten along. I always used to say I could work with anyone, but I've learned that that's not true....
Last week I went to the director, who's an old acquaintance, and asked to be let go early. My contract is up in March/April, but I want out after I finish my current tasks, probably the end of January. He was quite surprised. Apparently there's been some discussion with the project manager afterwards, who came over and talked with me yesterday. I told him the same thing. I think it's too late to change the project structure. We've used up half the time, and burned half the budget. I think changing direction now would make things worse, not better. I just want out early, if they agree.
So am I nuts, shooting a client when plenty of other people are looking for work? Things are cold out there, and I'm not sure what I'll find next, or when I'll find it. Does this doom my chances of working here again, or with these people in other contexts? I don't know. But I do know I've been really miserable here. I actually think unemployment would be preferable to continuing to work on this one.
Why am I so upset? I've asked myself that, too. I've had lots of clients that I didn't like, but they didn't get under my skin like this. I think it's the level of conflict that's done it. I've never been micro-managed like this, especially when it's been mostly negative. A Dilbertian vision of hell....
So at this point I guess I'm willing to give up income so I can have peace of mind again. No matter how much I make, what's the point if I'm just pissed off every day? I know other friends and acquaintances who've been in difficult circumstances and have stuck it out -- I've done it plenty of times in the past -- but this time I just don't seem able to. Is my leaving a sign of strength or weakness? Maybe it's a sign of age. Maybe it's a sign of stupidity, because I'll change my tune when the mortgage payment is late.
The only positive thing that's come out of it is my resolve to take charge of my life again. I've put off writing down drafts of the book ideas I've had for a long time. Now's the time to get back to it. I need to shake off the cobwebs: start my daily walking routine again and give up the two-drink buzz before dinner.
Happy New Year, I suppose.
