Dear Log,
The news keeps going on and on about that pesky ethnic civil war in Philistia. It's so dull! Well, it used to be very compelling, very high concept -- you know, like Battlebots! Except with meat.
So I'm thinking of kill-filing the whole thing in my news bot. I mean, it's got action alright, but it's really poorly edited. It's worse than football! And the script goes nowhere, and the writer has a tin ear for dialogue; all anyone ever says is "This'll teach 'em a lesson!", which of course never really works. It's getting as dull as Passions was after Heccuba left!
I wanna see coked-up fightin' cyborgs, shaolin sky-fighting, swordplay, and maybe some Mila Jojovich muay tai foxy boxing in catsuits. What do I get? Dogfaced fifteen-year-olds bleeding to death, and the smell of charred flesh -- as if that worked well on screen! And endless footage of endless waits at checkpoints, and everyone is badly dressed, without even a solid Africanized destitution/desperation look that would at least pull in some street cred. It's a cinematic worst case scenario! And there's no excuse -- I mean, the budget is there for Christsakes! But then, the Philistines could never make a decent movie anyhow.
At this point, not even Tarrantino could make this interesting. I want a refund.
